“Many of his disciples heard it and said, ‘This teaching is too hard. Who can listen to this?’. Without being told Jesus knew that his disciples were grumbling about this, So He said to them, ‘Does this make you want to give up’”? Jn 6, 60-61
“But Jesus gave him no answer. Pilate said to Him, ‘You will not speak to me ? Remember, I have the authority to set you free, and also the authority to have you nailed to the cross’. Jesus answered, ‘You have authority over Me only because it was given to you by God’”. Jn 19, 9-11
Like any leader Jesus experienced major and minor crises in his relationships with the persons entrusted to Him. When He had announced the gifts of himself under the eucharistic species, many disciples were shocked and scandalized. "We know his father and mother. How, then, does He now say `He came down from heaven?" (Jn 6, 42). "How can this man give us His flesh to eat?" (Jn 6, 62). Many disciples continued to grumble and discuss about this while Jesus was not there. Then Jesus himself took the initiative and approached the disciples again, this time not to discuss his previous teaching, but the crisis itself. "Without being told" (Jn 6, 61) He asked them "Does this make you want to give up?" Jesus came straight to the heart of the matter. In this, He gave us a sublime example. Strained relationships should be tackled by frank discussion.
If we read the gospels attentively, we notice that Jesus had the gift of explicitating difficulties and giving expression to hidden sources of tension. Jesus did not believe in covering up doubt or hostility. When Simon the scribe who had invited Jesus to lunch, saw how the sinful woman washed his feet, "he said to himself, "If this man really were a prophet, he would know who this woman is". Jesus reacted immediately. "He spoke up and said to him, "Simon I have something to tell you" (Lk 7, 39-40). When Jesus spoke to the paralyzed man who had been let down through the roof, He noticed that the scribes did not agree with what He said. "Jesus knew what they were thinking and said; "Why are you thinking such evil things?" (Mt 9, 4). When Jesus encountered the unbelief of His fellow citizens at Nazareth, He himself voiced their objection : "I am sure that you will quote the proverb to Me, "Doctor, heal yourself". You will also say to Me, "Do here in your own town the same things we are told happened in Caparnaum" (Lk 4,23). When Jesus noticed that people disagreed with Him, He voiced their difficulty to give them a chance to straighten matters out.
Jesus’ frankness and sincerity is often disturbing to us, who are so used to practise the wrong kind of diplomacy. Speaking to the Pharisees Jesus said bluntly : "Why do you not understand what I say? It is because you cannot bear to listen to my message......I tell you the truth, and that is why you do not believe Me" (Jn 8, 43-45). At the last supper Jesus could not continue without revealing His sorrow to them : "I tell you, one of you will betray Me" "One who dips his bread in the dish with Me will betray Me" (Mt 26, 21-23). And during his intimate talk with Nicodemus Jesus exclaimed : You are a great teacher of Israel, and you do not know this? I tell you the truth; we speak that what we know, and tell what we have seen -Yet none of you is willing to accept our message. You do not believe Me when I tell you the things of this world; how will you ever believe Me, then, when I tell you about the things of heaven ?" (Jn 3, 10-12). It must have been a delight to deal with Jesus, if for no other reason than, at least, for the fact that He never hid his thoughts. He was always honest and straight forward.
When we are offended by another person, we feel tempted to retreat into our shell. Our pride holds us back from approaching the other and sorting things out. Especially if we have a position of leadership, it may be humiliating on our part to continue to speak to those who trouble us. Yet, this is our apostolic duty. St. Paul, who suffered quite a few rebuffs from his new converts, gives us many examples in his letters of a sincere attempt to "talk things out".
The whole of 2 Corinthians is actually devoted by Paul to a clearing up of some misunderstandings created by judaistic missionaries who had slandered Paul (2 Cor 12, 11). Paul really humbled himself in his desire to win over his former friends. "I, Paul, entreat you by the meekness and gentleness of Christ" (2 Cor 10, 1). "I wish you would bear with me, even when I am a bit foolish. Please do! I am jealous for you just as God is" (2 Cor 11, 1-2). "I repeat : no one should think that I am a fool, but if you do, at least accept me as a fool" (2 Cor 11, 16). "I am acting like a fool - but you have made me do it. You are the ones who ought to show your approval of me" (2 Cor 12 11).
We should observe that Paul does not abdicate his authority, even though he is pleading with the Corinthians. "Do not force me to be bold with you when I come; for I am sure I can be bold with those who say that we act from wordly motives" (2 Cor 10,2). "I am not ashamed, even if I have boasted somewhat too much of the authority that the Lord has given us - authority to build up, that is, not to tear you down" (2 Cor 10,8). Paul is aware of the fact that his readiness to communicate may be interpreted by some as weakness. "You will have all the proof you want that Christ speaks through me. When He deals with you, He is not weak. Instead He shows his power among you. For even though it was in weakness that He was put to death on the cross, it is by God’s power that He lives. In union with Him we also are weak; but in our relations with you, we shall live, with Him by God’s power" (2 Cor 1,4), "Perhaps you think that all along we have been trying to defend ourselves before you. No! We speak as Christ would have us speak" (2 Cor 12,19).
Research on labour problems has shown that many conflicts arise from or are maintained by a lack of proper communication between employers and employees. By keeping all channels of communication open suspicions and misunderstandings can be solved before they grow to clashes. The same applies to relationships in the church. The climate will not be healthy unless everyone is encouraged to speak. Personal interviews, bulletins, reports, public meetings, advisory councils and other means may serve this purpose. In whatever way it may be we must be able to speak to one another.
The duty to speak and to listen may sometimes be exasperating for the leader. After having scolded the scribes in the seven "woes", Jesus cried out "O Jerusalem, Jerusalem! You kill the prophets and stone the messengers God has sent you ! How many times have I wanted to put my arms around all your people, just as a hen gathers her chicks under wings, but you would not let Me" (Mt 23,37). It requires a great amount of love and patience to speak to the people who are ready to stone you. On principle, Jesus was ready to speak to any one. Even to Pilate, the weakling who was going to condemn Him to the cross (Jn 19,9-11). And if He did not speak to Herod (Lk 23,8-9), it was only because Herod himself did not want serious discussion. "Herod treated Him with contempt and mocked Him (Lk 23,11).
Jesus founded His church as a fellowship of brothers. Any problem between brothers should be solved by discussion. "If your brother sins against you, go to him and show him his fault. But do it privately, just between yourselves. If he listens to you, you have won your brother back " (Mt 18, 15). What use is our participation in the body of Christ (1 Cor 10, 16), if we cannot speak to one another? There cannot be real communion without heart-to-heart communication.